You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Don't make out with my wife yet
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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