I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
