Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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