I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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