i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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