Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
