I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
