You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize