There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
