i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
