Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
