i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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