even my farts smell like vagina
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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