well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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