I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
