Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
