wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize