Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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