Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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