I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we're so committed to being not committed
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
