i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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