i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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