you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
and you fell through a lawn chair
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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