I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
