I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
