i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
