it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
