Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
