It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dear god my vagina.
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