I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
