Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
