Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
