the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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