Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
