last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm too high and old for this...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
