Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
