I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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