Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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