You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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