oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
false alarm, still single
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
