That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
