i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
