dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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