Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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