And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
