No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
