Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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