Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
