So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
