Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
