I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
