At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
