So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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