Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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