Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
