I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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