I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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