If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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