I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
