My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sobbing to NWA
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
