apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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