I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No subtext here. People are naked.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
