I just saw a hot homeless man
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
