We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We got so high we made milksteak
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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