none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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