I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
