just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
