Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
