We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
worst night to have a conscience
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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