the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
