I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
