Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
