i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
