Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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