The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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