Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
