I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
