they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You dont lie about slip and slides
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
