we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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