Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No I am not eating basil off your cock
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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