Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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