I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
